sistawendy: (hopeful nun)
But first: work has eaten my whole weekend. It's actually a good thing I didn't go to Norwescon, because I would have missed most of it and been severely bummed out. I haven't even gone out to dinner this weekend, much less clubbing. That's how bad it's been. With any luck, though, I can make it to Flammable at Re-bar tonight; it's been a long time.

Back to the title of this entry! Some of you may recall my struggles in finding a vibrator that works for me. Chloe the Wevibe Nova showed promise, but broke a few weeks ago. I had to switch back to Inga the Swedish model, a Lelo Smartwand, which which I'd been unimpressed in the past.

I've revised my opinion of Inga. Usually orgasms are hard to come by when shot night is coming up; it's this coming Monday. Inga didn't get me off, but she seems to have sped proceedings up dramatically. That's a godsend because I'm feeling a little RSI in my right wrist, which usually happens when I work weekends.

What's the secret? Finding the right pattern (constant low rumbly) and position (holding Inga more or less vertically and not moving - that must look amusing).
sistawendy: (butterfly)
I was making spaghetti for m'boy (which he chose in favor of going out!) the night before last when the inevitable, given that I've been on estradiol for seven years, finally happened: I couldn't open the jar of spaghetti sauce.* Luckily for me, thanks to the... coziness of my lake place, the cabinet with the vise** in it is just outside the kitchen. Problem solved.

What I find remarkable is that it took this long. I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen.



*Hey, I added a pound of ground beef, chopped bell pepper, chopped fresh basil, and minced fresh garlic. It wasn't a totally pre-packaged meal.
**It used to live in the garage back in the bad old days when I had one. These days I use it for circumflatulation.
sistawendy: (taco madonna)
And what, you may ask, is Objective Charlie Bravo? I went down to Macy's on the bus* and picked up a few 38C bras, all of which fit me better than the 38B that I walked in with and that I'm still wearing.

Years ago - I think it was at least two years ago, anyway - no less an authority on boobs than [personal profile] staxxy prophesied that I would eventually make it to a C cup. If she gave me a time frame, I don't remember it; she's probably too smart to do that anyway. I must admit to a certain impatience with the pace of my breast growth, and maybe even some doubt as to where it would end up, but it isn't that common for trans women to get as big as I have without resorting to knife work.

OK, I don't want to go up any more cup sizes. B for believable, C for convenient. Having said that, it'll probably happen.
What did I do for MLK day? I didn't march, but I borrowed another of the volumes of March that I got for m'boy, who has to his credit read all of them. Time for me to catch up. It's a bite out of a perspective sandwich: I'd forgotten, if I ever knew, how much physical harm folks in the civil rights movement endured. Even more respect to Rep. John Lewis for keeping his faith in humanity.



*The E and the 40. The E was so delayed coming back that I walked the thirty blocks in almost exactly the time it would have taken on the bus. Bad Metro! Bad!
sistawendy: (wtf laughing)
I had my hormone levels checked on Wednesday, as do I and other trans women with the need & means. This happened, per Dr. Leather Bear's standing instructions, roughly in the middle of my two-week shot cycle. The level, 288 pg/ml, was about the same as the last several readings, so yay.

So far so dull, you say, but for the first time that I can recall I read in the lab report what levels are typical for cisgender women in various states. My reading is smack in the middle of the range for cisgender women who are ovulating.

That explains a few things about my personality and sex drive, doesn't it? And remember, my levels as a function of time follow a sawtooth pattern, so right after a shot my levels are probably at the high end for ovulation, and shortly before a shot they're at the low end of that range. Staying within at least some naturally occurring range for cisgender women (but not pregnant ones, apparently) is a stated goal of Dr. Leather Bear's because it's known to be relatively safe.
When I went to ride my bike, I didn't quite lift my leg high enough. It struck my rear fender, thereby snapping it in two. Let that be a lesson to you: don't buy bottom-of-the-line bike accessories like I did, kids. This fender has been replaced with one that I hope is more durable.
sistawendy: (contemplative red)
Long time no update. I've spent the last three days cooking for m'boy, yelling at m'boy, and working. Uncharacteristically, I have no huge plans or dates for the upcoming long weekend, so I think I'll zen out and do the following, in chronological order:
  1. Dinner tonight with the Siberian Siren. She will likely bust my chops for wearing too much black and no lip liner. I look forward to it.
  2. Solicit donations for Camp Beaverton from sex shops. I appear to be the only Beaver doing this, or at least the only one updating the spreadsheet. Tisk.
  3. Get mah hurr did.
  4. Ramiro & co. at the Monkey Loft Saturday night, since there will be no [livejournal.com profile] cupcake_goth at Ceremony. Tunes I like, and the certainty of cute women.
  5. Meet with the lawyer recommended to me by [livejournal.com profile] thewronghands about updating my will. Yeah, I'm that divorced.

You know how girl 'roids make me horny? The flip side of that is that shortly before shot day, which is three days from now, falling hormone levels appear to make it really difficult to get myself off, even if it's been what I judge to be long enough. This is me, low on sleep and pouty with a sore knuckle on my right index finger.
sistawendy: (drama)
Remember my poll about breast size vs. hand preference? I did that waaay back just five months after I started hormones. I've now been on them for more than six years, and now my answer to this poll question has changed.

My left breast is no longer the larger one, it seems, as of a few months ago. It's now my right. Some of you longtime breast owners told me this sort of occurrence is common. Evidence of that is now attached to me, even though my hormonal cycles are entirely artificial and therefore regular.

I can only speculate as to why: my weight is nearly the lowest it's been for about twenty years, which may have something to do with it.
sistawendy: (oh yeah)
Yesterday I said that Elder Goth stood me up. As I suspected, that wasn't quite accurate. She'd just gotten back from the Game Developers' Conference - that's her biz - and she was wiped out. She'd forgotten to let her phone make noise again since Sunday. She was most embarrassed. Aw. Our Norwescon plans are very much on. Hurrah!
Have I mentioned lately how much I love shot night? Libido and clear skin and boobs, oh my! It's definitely worth the long, scary needles, bruising, and usually slight bleeding. If I had my 'druthers it would happen at least four times as often as it does, which is fortnightly, but that would make me, you know, die prematurely.
sistawendy: (mad woman)
Work: meshuggah-making. Fires breaking out everywhere, not all of them technical.

Spent Labor Day walking around Greenwood and reading a scientific paper in Japanese. Not the Burn, but not bad, either.

It has occurred to me that despite losing ten pounds over the last year or so, my bras are getting tighter. I'm pretty sure my boobs are still growing, and it's even noticeable in the first few days after an injection. (My last one was this past Monday night.) A couple of years ago [livejournal.com profile] staxxy predicted that I'd eventually be a C cup. At the rate I'm going, she may be right in a year or two. The overnight mammary explosion reported by several of my cisgender girlfriends appears not to happen to trans women, at least not without surgery. Call that one of the benefits effects of getting your girl 'roids out of a bottle.

To do by Friday for the divorce: a mediation brief. I've only a vague idea of what's supposed to go in it. My view of the agenda and the assets that we need to split up? That's what I've got, so that's what they'll get.
sistawendy: (butterfly)
I mentioned that I stayed late at Lambert House on Monday helping the director with financial reports. Monday is also my estradiol shot night. You know where this is going: I forgot to inject myself until nearly midnight last night, i.e. two days late in a 14-day cycle.

I'd noticed that I was in a funk. Getting more girl 'roids running around my system has taken care of that, thank you. And the libido spike that usually occurs in the few days after my shot? Oh yeah. It's a pity I'm not seeing Temptress until Thanksgiving weekend.
Gave a talk at work today called "How to Burn the Man" with a couple of Burner cow-orkers. Our theme was, basically, how to not die or have a terrible time at Burning Man. We figured the event sells itself. Oddly, there were no questions afterward. Maybe we scared everybody away. Mmu hu hwaugh huh hah ha! I mean, awww.
sistawendy: (butterfly)
I'm pretty sure I've remarked here before about how I (used to?) get a little cranky in the few days before my estrogen shot, which is every other Monday night. But what do you do if you have a date on shot night, and shooting yourself at night will either be impractical or after the date?

If you're me, you inject yourself in the morning, as I just did. Superstition? Maybe. Non-compliant? A little, but I don't know how bad for me that is. Helpful w.r.t. dating? Time will tell. It would have been more helpful not to wake up at 0615.
sistawendy: (blue corset)
Do any of you remember Megan Wallent, the highish-up Microsoftee trans woman who was so helpful to me in the months before I went Full Time? She's had a pulmonary embolism, which is a known risk of taking estrogens, as are other clotting conditions. Her risk of getting another one and dying from it is so high that she's decided to get off hormones and transition back to male. (Yes, I just used the wrong name pronouns all over the place. Megan Michael has bigger problems.)

Now that I've scared the bejeezus out of my mother, I should note a couple of things that may work in my favor: Megan was taking what look like crazy high doses of estrogens for five years. She took the same dose in a day that I take in a week; I'm assuming hers was oral. She He also has a genetic risk factor called Factor V Leiden.

I'm trying not to think about what I'd do in that situation. It took so long for me to get where I am, I don't think I could ever go back. I'd rather live with half-assed presentation.
sistawendy: (smartass hester)
Happiness is noticing that the remaining wrinkle in your bra cup is getting smaller.
sistawendy: (weirded out)
Now that I more or less fill in a commonly available bra that isn't padded, I've noticed that I have one breast that fits perfectly (the left) and the other one doesn't. I'm not even sure anymore that their volumes are all that different, but their shapes certainly are. I could definitely see and feel this coming, too.

I know it's nothing to be alarmed about. It just never occurred to me before that many of us might be walking around with exactly one bra cup that fits right. (Yeah, I remember my breast poll.) I can see it now: Adjust-a-bra®!
sistawendy: (oh yeah)
I went to my first post-surgery yoga last night, and didn't tear myself in two or poison myself with lactic acid. I also went into and out of, for the first time, a women's locker room. No one freaked out at the tall, strong-jawed, broad-shouldered woman among them, but I freaked out the second time I was in there because I couldn't quite remember my locker number. I wonder if any of them wondered why I looked so frantic as I kept walking past the same lockers multiple times.

This was also the first time I'd seen myself in a full-length mirror wearing tight little black pants and a smallish t-shirt. I have to say, I look reassuringly girl-shaped these days. Yeah, a girl who's not that well endowed with big shoulders who carries her weight in her thighs instead of her hips, but a girl nonetheless. Hooray for girl 'roids!
sistawendy: (Default)
I stayed out too late last night having one last couple of pre-Snip beers with [livejournal.com profile] dagard. The man's an inspiration, I tell you. An inspiration to what, well, that could be dubious indeed. You'll just have to keep reading. An order of Broadway Grill's garlic fries, by the way is hot, tasty, and enough for three people.
Coming off spiro has apparently made me break out. Poo! I'd blissfully forgotten about that effect of boy roids.
What does it say about my priorities when the only person I spontaneously remember to get a prezzy for is a woman who does (ahem) kind of mean things to me? Let the guilt trip commence!

Brunette Sister asked me what m'boy wants for Chanukah, so I asked Nibs, who said she'd have to get back to me. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
sistawendy: (prabob)
Yesterday afternoon I took my last spiro ever. I have to stop at least two weeks before surgery, said Dr. Snip, and sooner is probably better, said Dr. Leather Bear. I won't need an anti-androgen once I have no testicles that produce lots of androgen, natch. I will not miss spiro's diuretic side effects that inconvenience me and mess up my electrolytes. This should mean better sleep, too.

I now have a few hundred 100mg spiro pills that I don't need. It seems a shame to dispose of them, but that's probably what will happen.

Similarly, my usual estrogen shot is scheduled for the 5th, but Dr. Snip's office has told me to skip it. If I lose my mind between now and surgery time, you'll know why.
Also similarly, I've had my last electrolysis in the (ahem) area where Dr. Snip will be working. It's nice & hairless now. It wasn't that bad, to be honest, at least not compared to my upper lip. However, I really want the fuzz on my face gone ASAP, and the other work, which Dr. Snip recommends in the strongest possible terms, was getting in the way of that.

And huge thanks to Ms. Zappy for working Thanksgiving weekend, the week after her accident! Dr. Snip's instructions call for no zappy within two weeks of surgery, either. Besides, I have a date on the 3rd and don't want to be fuzzy.
sistawendy: (oh yeah)
At yesterday's clothing swap I picked up a couple of B-cup bras. They fit! OK, they fit with an extender, so they're 36B and not 38B, and my 38B's don't yet fit me. Still, I'm calling myself a B-cup! Woohoo!

Oh yeah: the brand is Maidenform.
sistawendy: (stern nun)
I did my shadow shift at Lambert House last night. It was pretty quiet; I mainly just shot the breeze with other volunteers - yeah, there was much Burning Man discussion - and helped them close up the house.

Some of the kids youth that use Lambert House are homeless. A very few of them, said a couple of volunteers, have "created their own problem" through substance abuse, etc., and may try to manipulate their way into getting stuff from us volunteers that we're not supposed to give them. The rules for volunteers include but aren't limited to:
  1. No material assistance from individual volunteers to the youth, not even bus fare or rides.
  2. No outing them. We can't acknowledge them in public unless they acknowledge us first.
  3. No exchange of contact info in either direction.
  4. No hanky panky with clients, natch, no matter how old they are. (Youth age out of the house at 23. I met one volunteer who used to be a client.)


The volunteer training isn't until next month. Lambert won't be a regular gig for me until after then.

I injected myself with hormones as usual Monday night, and yesterday I ate most of the M&Ms out of my remaining MREs. Coincidence? I think not.

Days until the Grand Snip: 90.
sistawendy: (oh yeah)
I can't believe I forgot to post this earlier. A couple of weeks ago, my latest lab results came in. My doctor told me my estrogen levels are too high, more than double a typical female monthly peak. (I thought my previous number was even higher, but maybe I misheard.) So, he's lowered my dose of girl 'roids by 20%, to 0.8ml every two weeks. That's 0.8ml x 20mg/ml, so 16mg every two weeks instead of 20mg.

I'm waiting to see if the reduction in estrogens makes me cranky or psycho; we'll know in about a week. It should help me avoid dying prematurely, though, and I'm into that.
sistawendy: (skeptic coy Gorey tilted down)
Maybe you remember this entry in which I texted Strawberry Blond Sister's husband. SB Sister is the one who isn't speaking to me, and he told her right away. I received no reply; instead I got a nastygram from SB Sister.

I found out why he didn't respond. He didn't know it was me! And when he told SB Sister about it - my text arrived while they were talking on the phone - she said it was a wrong number. I found out about this when he texted me later asking how I was. Yay.

I asked Mom this morning if she'd told him my new name. She couldn't remember. Even so, I mean, he knew I'd changed sex. Wasn't "Hey [brother-in-law], it's Maura, your brand new sister-in-law" clear enough?

Says Mom, bro-in-law is cheesed at his wife for lying to him. Nyeh heh heh.
In other trans news, as of today I've had about 120 hours of zappy. I finally asked Ms. Zappy how many more she thought I'd need. She reluctantly said about 80. Reluctantly because she didn't want to disappoint me.

She needn't have worried. 80 is more than I'd like, of course, and I'll hope for less, but 200 total is pretty close to average for this kind of work, i.e. MTF face & neck.
Happiness is wearing an unpadded, non-sports bra and not being obviously flat-chested. I'm actually not unhappy with the breasts I have, and they should keep growing for at least the rest of this year.

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