Maura's Illuminated Manuscript

I’m an official artist.

2026-05-04T00:01:16Z

The folks at the Seattle Erotic Art Festival have informed me that one of the two copies of my piece “Dysphoria Devil” has sold. That’s right, I’m about to get paid – a little – for my art.

I have no idea who bought it, but I hope that wherever it ends up, it makes at least one cis person think, however briefly, about what it must be like to be trans.

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Sculpted!

2026-05-03T00:29:36Z

Welp, it’s done. I’ve had facial feminization surgery, and now I’m busy with recovery: sleeping a whole lot, walking some, drinking my meals, and popping pills on schedule. My head looks like it belongs on a mummy who lost a fight. I haven’t been at my sharpest, of course, but I can remember a few things.

For starters my ride to and from surgery was a Rolls Royce. Believe it or not, that’s a medically sound choice because there is no smoother ride. At my request, the team put “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones on the OR sound system shortly before knocking me out. The Sculptor wore a sharp dark suit.

I came to about 5 hours later in a recovery room, and I spent the night going on assisted walks every two hours and drinking water and juice. The no-narcotics pain management worked fine, and continued to work after discharge the next day.

And speaking of those pills etc., the bag I picked them up in was the size of a burger order for a whole family. Dancer was invaluable for keeping me on schedule, escorting me to the hotel gym for walkies.

I’m supposed to sleep with my trunk elevated 45 degrees with no neck flexion. That’s fine in the surgery center with their fancy beds and 2-hour sleep stages. But neither Dancer nor I could really make that work in a hotel room all night: my back complained. I’ve been sleeping about half as elevated as I should, but at least I’ve been sleeping.

The first post-operative poop late this morning was epic. How fortunate that Dancer had just left.

I’m still a little light-headed, and I’ve gotten my meds off schedule a couple of times, but the swelling is gone from my hands and I’m on track to walk for two hours today. Go me.

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Less than 24 hours to go. I wanna be sedated.

2026-04-25T23:00:17Z

I have done my laundry a day earlier than usual because I'm about to pack for surgery. There's a stack of paper on my dining table including the Sculptor's instructions, my packing list, and my boarding pass. Yes, I'm that Xer.

I should perhaps clarify that I leave for San Francisco in less than 24 hours. My pre-op appointment is Monday, and my surgery is Tuesday morning.

Even if this trip weren't in the service of something I've wanted desperately for decades, it's definitely time for me to get out of Dodge. Work has been a frustrating grind lately, and it's been nearly eight months since I got back from New York.

In between laundry loads I bopped over to my favorite coffee joint for a mocha. I looked longingly at their baked goods, which are pretty great even if you haven't been denied carbs for two weeks. As soon as the Sculptor says it's OK I'm so having ramen and sake. I wonder if I can persuade Tacoma Girl to join me.

The weather here in Seattle has been glorious. Playing in my head on the way around Green lake on my bike this morning was "Dance: Ten; Looks: Three" from A Chorus Line.

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dental adventures in the suburbs

2026-04-23T19:02:56Z

Woke up at 0300 yesterday. Left for the dentist in the rain at 0830. Ordinarily I wouldn't post about getting my teeth cleaned, but this time it was a big deal: I got the letter saying that they'd done it, they didn't find any infections, and I'm OK for surgery. You bet your booty I photographed the letter in my dentist's office and emailed it thence.

Stopped at the new Kirkland PCC on the way home for low-carb lunch. It was quiet and laid out oddly, but they did have all the hippie goodies you'd expect from PCC, with plenty of space. I credit PCC Kirkland for helping raise my teenage son.

The Sculptor's office confirmed later yesterday that all is copacetic. I was so wiped out from getting up at 0300 that I forgot that the Wendling was getting me poké, so I ended up having two dinners and then went to bed around 1900. For eleven hours.

Yay, surgery preliminaries are over, but I won't really believe it's happening until they wheel me in and knock me out. Christ on a pogo stick!

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one week until surgery

2026-04-21T22:41:40Z

Dental cleaning is tomorrow morning. I'm going to need written proof so I can send it to the Sculptor's office. I'll be doing that electronically from my dentist's office. I am not in the mood for any further delays in communication, because I'm damn near out of time.

Assuming all goes according to plan tomorrow, I continue on my booze-free, low-carb, low-sodium path to laundry, packing, a plane, and San Francisco, baybee.

If it were up to me, I'd make Thursday & Friday just go away.

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Surgery prep: never a dull moment.

2026-04-21T00:01:27Z

The surgery center – not to be confused with the Sculptor's office – called halfway through a 90-minute meeting from hell to ask some sensible questions and tell me that I needed to show up at 0615 on the 28th. It's a good thing that I usually get up early, and I won't need to concentrate much that day.

And then Dancer, who's graciously agreed to be my minder for those vital first forty-eight hours, called to tell me that she's got a possible job interview (!) lined up for Monday. It's a pretty big deal, and I don't want to mess it up for her. Last-minute changes in plan are kind of the norm with her, I've noticed, but I don't think this one will mess me up. And as she points out, it might not even happen.

I have confirmed that my dentist is indeed expecting me for a cleaning on Wednesday morning. And I'm not leaving that office until I have written proof that they did it in my hot little double-jointed hands.

Am I ready to be knocked out and sliced* up? Good Goddess, yes.

*I typed "slicked" the first time. My Freudian slip is showing.

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The news is that there is no news.

2026-04-19T18:57:46Z

The most social thing I've done this weekend is shop for groceries this morning. Believe it or not, that was a deliberate decision: I got scared into quarantining before surgery a while back.

I'd made plans earlier to visit Tacoma Girl, but it was a relief mixed with disappointment she bailed due to stuff going on in her life. I'd bought too many chocolate-covered almonds to share – no salt, no starch, no booze, remember? – and I ate about half of them, which was still too many. I felt so oogy that I went to bed around sundown last night.

I'll say this for myself, though: over the last couple of weeks I've opened up a can of whoop-ass on a reimplementation of the Lambert House front desk database. The plan for today, while the laundry progresses, is to do a little scale testing before I talk to our board member-and-network administrator about standing it up for real.

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over the paperwork hump

2026-04-17T00:07:39Z

The Sculptor's office just emailed me that they'd gotten the last of the paperwork, the letter from Dr. Funnyname himself, that I'm good to go for surgery. All that's left is a dental cleaning and a note of proof thereof, and I'm done with the hurdles.

My relief isn't as big as it was when the judge signed my divorce decree, but it's close. I think I'll celebrate with some salad.

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sculpted

2026-04-16T13:59:47Z

It's been sixteen days of no plucking or sugaring, and four-ish days of a low carbohydrate & sodium diet, as required by the Sculptor. The results?

My eyebrows are running a bit wild. Haaate. Aside from them, though, I've only got about four hairs that I can feel growing out of my face, which isn't as bad as I expected.

I've dropped about four pounds. Do not hate! I may have to adjust my beans & rice recipe permanently. But I'm wondering what to cook for the Wendling on Tuesday; I just did broiled fish a couple of days ago.

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medical madness

2026-04-14T22:31:05Z

I only went a tiny bit Karen when I called Dr. Funnyname again today to send all the stuff that the Sculptor asked for. They have indeed done so, and I've confirmed receipt.

But then the Sculptor's office asked for a "clearance" letter that says I'm "medically optimized" for surgery as planned. I, uh, thought that was part of what he sent, but I guess not. I called again, and Dr. Funnyname's office says they'll send it. I guess I'll find out in a matter of hours.

So I'm not completely out of the woods, but the trees are thinning out. If somebody's trying to make me feel better about what's likely to be a hellacious recovery, it's working.

Jeez.

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more snafoolery

2026-04-14T03:43:20Z

Remember how my Wi-Fi was out yesterday? Well, I took the bus to the big box store and came back with a brand spanking new Wi-Fi router. I didn't get one that talks on the 6 GHz band because my poor old iPhone 12 can't do that, but it does support a new enough Wi-Fi standard that it can access channels that the old one couldn't.

After discovering that I couldn't unplug the old router because it's also the fiber termination device, and then playing "if you give a mouse a cookie" with power cables and outlets, I got the new router set up. It works a treat, and my phone is connected to it now.

But not the very laptop that I'm typing on right now. That device is talking to the old router, which no device could do yesterday. What the actual?

And I've also learned that you really shouldn't put Wi-Fi routers within a foot of each other. The new one is now on a shelf about a meter above the floor, dangling black cables oh so attractively. But! My Wi-Fi issues are solved as far as my own devices are concerned. My son is still at work, and I've made sure that he won't have to ask me for the password for the new network when he gets home at 2300.

I'm wondering if I should shut down the Wi-Fi on the old router and just use the new one. That might let me take the new router off the shelf.

Meanwhile, the Sculptor's office emailed to tell me that they still haven't heard from Dr. Funnyname's office. I Am Not Pleased. I can feel the Karen rising within me.

Speaking of things that need to happen before surgery, the Sculptor has directed me to discontinue garlic. I had maybe a third of a head left in the fridge, so I fried it up and ate it for a snack earlier today. You should probably be grateful that you don't have to be in the same room with me right now.

Oh, and the low-carb, low-sodium diet starts tomorrow. I monkeyed with my beans & rice yesterday to comply, and it isn't terrible.

Edited to add: the Wendling's phone also connected to the old router. Bananas.

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Capitol Hill, Pioneer Square, Fremont

2026-04-13T03:42:35Z

Went club hopping as a last hurrah before temporary Mormon-like behavior starts on Tuesday for surgery. Pony: good tunes, but no Sharlese when I was there. I wasn’t feeling up to socializing with strangers, so I hit the Mercury, which was happily free of creeps.

Today I dropped off my art for SEAF, having carried it carefully on the bus and through Pioneer Square, which even on Sunday morning is… colorful. The SEAF folks were appreciative. Now I await art sales. Or not.

Also today, my Wi-Fi was beset by channel conflicts. I’ve been without all day. Router reboots don’t help. Sadness. Do I put a Faraday cage in my house or what?

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daredevil baking

2026-04-11T02:20:24Z

You know how my induction stove-plus-oven is supposed to be on a 40A breaker, but is plugged into a 20A breaker? Well, today for the first time I used it to bake cornbread, which meant preheating my oven to 425°F while melting a frozen stick of butter on the stove.

The results? I did not trip the breaker, and the cornbread turned out amazeballs. My cast iron skillet works just fine on an induction stove. Sure, that's what you'd expect, but I needed to test it sooner or later.

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shiny eats, etc.

2026-04-10T13:34:47Z

Dinner with the latex gang. It's my next-to-last hurrah before I turn into a temporary teetotaler on Tuesday. (Alliteration and assonance ahoy!) Sugar Hill, down the western slope of Capitol Hill on Pine St., has pretty great Thai eats & cocktails. Must... not... be jealous of how women half my age look in latex. And it occurs to me that my goodness, I know a lot of local sex workers, both cis and trans.

Shallow fashion details: the same little purple skater dress that I wore to KinkFest last weekend. My excuse was that I wanted to show how the yogurt sauce stains had mysteriously disappeared, but really, that dress is the best one I have for warm(er) weather. Accessories: butterfly-themed. Boots: silver cowboy, from Stetson.

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a whirlwind Tuesday night

2026-04-08T15:55:45Z

I did indeed go to Lambert House for the second time this week last night to rerun database queries. Ken the director was there this time and found a couple of bugs in the queries, which were luckily easy to fix.

And on the subject of attendance figures, he had a disturbing observation: not just Lambert House, but every non-profit that serves youth has seen a significant drop in the number of youth coming through the door since the worst of the pandemic ended. Says Ken, the yoof are all on their phones and haven’t really learned how to socialize in person. It’s reached the point where parents have been calling Ken for help in getting their kids to put down the devices and, you know, be people. He’s at a loss, and so am I. I will say, though, that the trans groups that I facilitate have shifted from 100% video a year ago to about half-and-half online and in person. I’m not hugely worried for the long term. Yet.

Speaking of getting out of the house, I had an excuse to get out of Lambert House early: K, another trans woman who’s been to the Devil Girl house on dates, met me at Time Warp. For you non-locals, it’s an old-school video game arcade with a bar that turns into the trans women’s hangout on Tuesday night. I’ve never seen a space that wasn’t explicitly trans with such a solid majority of trans femmes. Seriously, the cis dudes looked out of place and a bit suspicious.

And how’s K? Laid off, “polysaturated”, remodeling her house, and looking fabulous. She says she wants to see me again before I turn into a recluse for the couple of weeks before surgery. That’s going to be a bit of a trick, because a) Dancer has priority, and b) I start voluntary quarantine on Tuesday.

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things I've learned over the last couple of days

2026-04-07T19:41:52Z

Thing #1: I seem to be able to sleep nearly seven hours if I go to bed at 2300 instead of 2200. It's kind of hilarious getting out of bed to pee, thinking it's too early to start the day, and then hearing your alarm go off three seconds later.

Thing #2: I should always ask if Lambert House has their data entry caught up before I run quarterly queries. I may be taking the bus back there in the next few days because they weren't caught up last night. What makes this more complicated is that there are now two data sets entered by two different (groups of? paid?) people: one for Seattle, and one for King County outside Seattle.

Thing #3: I should have made sure Dr. Funnyname sent the results of my labs & exam to the Sculptor, because the latter's office emailed me yesterday to ask where all of that was. Mayunn, I don't need that kind of stress. If all goes according to plan surgery is in three weeks exactly.

Thing #4: If I get an email about the Wendling's electric bill – he has a separate meter down there in his apartment – remind him immediately, because he might space it.

Huh. There seems to be a theme with most of these. Do I enjoy being the executive function for other people? No, but I enjoy it even less when things get dropped on the floor.

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snafoolery

2026-04-02T02:47:18Z

SNAFU #1: So I have an event in Portland this weekend that I bought my ticket for in November. Fast forward to February. I couldn't find my hotel reservation, so I made one at a hotel several miles from the event.

Fast forward some more to this week. I had a reminder in my calendar about a conveniently located hotel reservation that I thought I'd forgotten to make months ago. Sure enough, I'd misfiled it under "trans" instead of "travel". So I conferred with the Tickler, who's joining me, and cancelled the less convenient reservation. At least this SNAFU is taker care of.

SNAFU #2: For the above event, I need proof of the vaccination that I got in February. I had said proof, but I didn't know I'd need it and therefore recycled it. If I can't get said proof, I'll need to bring a COVID test.

SNAFU #3: The appliance installers were here again this afternoon. Yes, I have a 220V outlet in my kitchen, but the oven-and-induction-cooktop combo needs a 40A circuit breaker. The circuit breaker that it's plugged into is 20A. Why it only trips when the stove is not in use is a mystery. It was after hours by then, so the installers said I should call their boss tomorrow morning to figure out what in the hell we're going to do about this.

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Let the home & body improvements commence!

2026-03-31T18:30:21Z

But first: the breaker that my stove is plugged into tripped in the middle of the night. I'm pretty sure it wasn't in use the other two times it tripped, either. I've called the dealer.

The pre-surgery prep has begun in earnest. I spent yesterday getting a whole bunch of blood drawn and an EKG, and this morning I switched to dandruff shampoo. Yes, really, per the Sculptor's orders. My resting heart rate was even lower than it's been measured before – "half the normal rate", said Dr. Funnyname – but he figures that if I can exercise, which I do, I should be a-OK for getting my face rearranged. Hurrah!

Rather less hurrah is that I can't pluck anything anywhere or get sugared. Shaving only, with a single bladed razor, and not too closely. Haaate. But! See you all August.

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things I learned over the weekend

2026-03-30T12:39:53Z

Thing #1: I really need two hours to do my nails, not just one. I wrecked my freshly-done nails on Saturday evening while lacing myself (poorly) into my corset. Yes, the lighting at the event was mostly forgiving, but I'm definitely redoing my nails before I leave for Portland on Friday.

Thing #2: Replacing my tankless gas water heater with an electric one would require a 220V outlet in a place that currently only has a 110V. I don't think that's happening, at least not soon.

Thing 3: Cooking things on an induction stove is a much better experience than gas because it boils things so darn quickly. I'm not tempted to wander away and do something else while it heats up. And yes, that reduces overall cooking time. I made my best beans & rice in months last night.

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outings, sexy and otherwise

2026-03-29T21:37:07Z

I went to the third annual Seattle Fetish Ball last night. I'm awfully grateful to Past Nun for springing for a "VIP" ticket. That meant I got a seat when I needed one, which was much of the time because I was, of course, wearing my Fluevog Grand National boots. Yeah, the ones with the 4" cloven heels. The balls of my feet feel a little bruised, but I don't feel any connective tissue damage.

Most eye-catching outfit: dude made a Vatican Swiss Guard uniform out of latex. You know, the ones that haven't changed since the 16th century. A colorful and complicated piece of work.

Dark Garden Corsets was there. I had to say hi because a) I was wearing their work, and b) they were literally on the way from the bar to my table. Autumn offered to re-lace my corset (!) but then got busy, so one of her employees did it. Let me tell you, I could feel the difference. I could feel as I was doing it earlier that even by my own necessarily low standards, I'd messed up lacing myself in. But the folks at Dark Garden are experts. And believe it or not, getting laced in properly is more about aesthetics and long-term comfort for me than it is about the act of getting laced in. And I note that I didn't need to hold onto anything, even in my murderous heels.

The crowd wasn't as large as last time, but I think the performers were better this time. ( I should probably put this under a cut. ) Ah, the hysteresis of recurring events. It's good to be amongst People Like Me in all our finery.

And speaking of people like me, brunch on the hill at 0900 (ungh – A-the-lady couldn't get a later reservation, try as she might) for the Lambert House trans group facilitators. Yes, there was talk about the horrendous political situation: at least one university in Texas has deputized freelance potty police, and that's just one example. But we like hanging out together so much that we were reluctant to go our separate ways.

Napped for two and a half hours starting at 1100. I think I can function. I need to get some work done because I'll be out most of tomorrow and Friday.

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Nun travels by foot, bus, and train.

2026-03-28T23:51:40Z

Bus: downtown to get on...

Train: ...the 2 line to Redmond! I got on the very first train from Seattle to Redmond. That turned out to have been no mean feat because Sound Transit keep making people get off at ID/Chinatown and delaying that first train; I thought I was going to be hours after the first train, but neau. ID station was packed, and I was lucky to have gotten on a couple of stops to the north.

Judkins Park, the last station eastbound before the bridge? Packed, because Seattleites love trains. As the train rolled on I-90 over the only train tracks on a floating bridge in the world, there was a fireboat on Lake Washington spraying in celebration. Aw, yeah. And I sure hope lots of teens use the Mercer Island station to... get off Mercer Island.

Observations:

The Seattle stations look cooler than the Bellevue stations because of course they do.
Since it had been over a decade since I'd been to Bellevue, I'd forgotten how uppy and downy and marshy Bellevue is. So there are elevated stations, tunnels, curves, low speeds, and closely-spaced stations from South Bellevue to Overlake. Downtown Bellevue & Wilburton are right across I-405 from each other.
Wilburton is two blocks from Uwajimaya Bellevue, hell yeah.
Microsoft has a spiffy-looking covered pedestrian bridge over SR 520 next to "Redmond Technology" station. That's right, there's a light rail station that pretty much serves nothing but Microsoft.
For you concert-goers, there's a station right at Marymoor Park, which was a damn fine idea.
Good grief, there's been a lot of construction in Redmond and Bellevue since I moved away. It's still going on.
My excuse for going to Redmond? Coffee and a sandwich at Victor's.
I have once more at least passed through every station in Seattle's light rail network.
Did you ever notice how the synthesized announcements on the 1 line intoned "the 1 line" like "the one line that we have"? Well, no more! We have two! And they're connected! So there!

Next stop: Capitol Hill, for the No Kings march. (I almost typed "no kinks". Screw that.) Ran into MOOers! Arrived just in time to march from Cal Anderson Park to the Seattle Center.

On foot I saw: awesome signs, many hand-made. A group in orange jumpsuits with the cabinet's names on their backs. Hong Kong & Ukrainian flags. Trans & Queer Pride flags. Two Statue of Liberty costumes. Inflatable amphibians. Did not hang out for speechifying afterwards because I can still feel my feet throb, but I still walked the walk. On the bus home, I saw a succinctly winning sign: in big, purple letters, "NO."

And tonight? The Seattle Fetish Ball. And 0900 tomorrow? Brunch with my fellow trans volunqueers from Lambert House. And Monday? Pre-surgery doctor's appointments. I seem to have lost my damn marbles.

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life's little annoyances

2026-03-27T13:56:52Z

Annoyance #1: I apparently can't run my induction stove and my microwave at the same time without tripping the 20A circuit breaker that they share. What's weird is, I didn't even notice until it came time to nuke my lunch.

Annoyance #2: The manual that came for my stove is for a different model. I did eventually figure out how to set the clock after I reset the breaker. Yes, the clocks on my microwave, stove, and wall opposite them all tell the correct time because I'm so anal-retentive I can turn coal into diamonds with my butt.

Annoyance #3: This one was kind of a doozy. So, you may recall that my Mom's house finally sold late last summer, and we divvied up the cash. What you pay taxes on is sale price minus fair market value at the time of Mom's death – which is pretty much up to the ever-scrupulous Good Sister to decide – and some kinds of expenses incurred getting the house ready for sale.

Well, I never reported that income, or in this case, small loss. You see, I never got a 1099-S from the title company the way Good Sister did. Neither did Evil Sister, so I'm pretty sure I didn't throw it out by mistake. See "anal-retentive" above.

At GS's urging, I called up the title company in my hometown. They have a 1099-S for Evil Sister on file, but not mine. So now I have an electronic copy of ES's 1099-S so I can file an amended return. Mayyybe I could get an additional refund out of this, but the main point of filing more stuff is to keep the IRS off my back.

Speculation: since my 1099-S appears not to exist, the IRS doesn't know about all of this either, which was why they sent my refund so quickly. I'm sorely tempted to blow this off, but GS is firmly against that. Given that she's a CPA, she's probably right.

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Nun is cooking in the future!

2026-03-25T20:39:42Z

I pulled the trigger on an induction stove – yeah, after the price went up – and let me tell you, it's super zippy! I can boil water for a good sized cup of tea in thirty-five (35) seconds. I haven't yet used the oven; I hope it doesn't run cool, as the old one seemed to, because I like being able to use the temperatures that I read in recipes.

And why would I do a thing like this?

Sticking it to the fossil fuel fuckos.
Less planet destruction.
Safer! The Wendling in particular Does Not Like having to deal with the open flames of a gas stove.
Safer in the long term: better indoor air quality.

It cost well under half of my tax refund. That's what I'm telling myself. I think this will be my home improvement for the year.

What about my gas tankless water heater? I surely burnt a lot more gas with that than my stove every month. Wayell, I'm not in a hurry to do that, but it's worth looking into.

What am I going to do with my (resistive) electric kettle? Well, it has non-boiling settings, so it's good for oolong or green tea, I guess.

Edited to add: No more singeing spaghetti while waiting for it to soften!

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goings out

2026-03-22T17:32:20Z

Sushi in my neighborhood with Red. She's a funky yet low key person, and I do enjoy her company. She'd had an intense afternoon at the (Native) veterans' powwow yesterday afternoon, so she declined my offer of a guided tour of lower Fremont. I haven't taken it personally.

But what I do take personally is all the states that are pulling drivers' licenses and making it effectively illegal to be trans in public, or to be trans and work or rent a home. It's isn't just Kansas anymore; Idaho, Oklahoma, and Ohio are following suit. Not that I was ever planning to go to any of those places, but you all know this is literal Nazi shit, right? This information is all courtesy of M at the Mercury, who also told me, for at least the second time, how much the job market has sucked for her, partly also due to being trans.

I tried to catch the last train northbound, but they were messing with things ahead of the line 2 opening next weekend.

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shiny drinks, sage advice

2026-03-20T13:43:30Z

I went out to the Unicorn last night in my pink & black latex skater dress to celebrate the seemingly delayed arrival of spring. Not much news there, you say, and you're right, but here's the interesting part: I met a (younger, inevitably) trans woman who's had facial feminization surgery, and she had some advice.

First, quarantine a couple of weeks before surgery and mask up. She caught COVID shortly before surgery and had to reschedule. She says she was lucky to get a date just a few months later. I, uh, think I'll take that advice.

Second, cannabis edibles are good for pain management. Honestly, that hadn't occurred to me. I feel like the only person in Seattle who doesn't have a favorite strain. I know the Sculptor forbids weed for several months beforehand, but I'll have to check what he says about post-op weed. If he says nothing, May will be brownie month, because the Sculptor is nothing if not thorough.

Dr. Liu, the good surgeon here in Seattle who has no availability? Did an excellent job on the young lady's face. Yes, she's a cutie, and yes, she has a girlfriend. Le sigh.

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