general ungh

[sistawendy]

Too much: gloomy weather, Yom Kippur, web site grunt work, work stress, political news, economic news

Not enough: sewing, socializing, rekkids, grooving, transition progress, cash

My LJ posting drive has been pretty low this week. That's a symptom of being in a funk. If you have any shiny links or happy goings on to leave in a comment, now would be a good time.

Comments

[vorona.livejournal.com]

I'm in Palm Springs as you must know by now. I got your voicemail, but it was almost Yom Kippur by the time I got to my phone. And so. Ugh, of course it figures that Seattle is still dark, gloomy, starchy and cold. Starchy? Yes, starchy. I have to move to California, or SOMEWHERE sunny, relaxed, and friendly. I'm so sick of Seattle and its issues. Sitting at my computer and getting online "hugz" from people who think of me as "terminal" or "dying" or some sad little old lady who needs to be gifted with "tea" for an hour and told "awww" and "howareyou" --- people who don't even know who Dalton Trumbo was! No! I can't do it! All the swimming pools are cold and stinky and overchlorinated! And uptight, and cold, and starchy! Nooooooo I don't want to come back to Seattle!

But I must. Temporarily. Long enough to arrange getting out. I'm going to save my life and get out, and LIVE, and not wait for "hugz" and "tea." You heard it first.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

You have to do what you have to do. I'll be sad not to have you within driving distance, though.

[vorona.livejournal.com]

Within driving distance?

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

I can't exactly go to California for a night out.

[vorona.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm not much of a "night out" kind of person these days. I can't be around smoky clubs, and the binge drinking scene has lost its shimmer. Liver damage is no longer a cute buzz phrase for "partying," alcohol consumption has emerged as a major risk factor for breast cancer (it's the effect on circulating estrogen) and when the call goes out to "support our..." whatever, I have to ask "support whose... what?"

I'm still interested in good conversation with smart, light-hearted people in casual settings. But realistically, I am looking at yet another cold winter of social isolation here. These past couple of years I no longer have friends who invite me to most private gatherings at their homes, or who respond when I say I need a ride. Seattle is like that - I'm not the only one left hanging, trying to catch a series of lurching, smelly, alcoholic-vomity, disease-ridden, AND (on top of that!) unreliable (!!)Metro buses late at night to attend non-bar events. It's not just me. But I'm feeling it, and it has gotten to me. Seattle has always had a stiff, chilly, insular "pull up the ladder, Jack" attitude. I'm not making that part up. Nor am I making up the part about cancer patients losing friends to every excuse in the world and for no good reason at all. Nor am I suddenly a new kind of difficult person. But the bottom line is I'm looking at a very cold, very isolated, demoralizing winter here, unless I go make NEW non-Goth friends or reconnect with old Punk friends who remember my various legendary good qualities before I became just too damned COOL to invite over for regular-people type stuff.

If you want to actually do something with me, for real, then LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN. (BTW I am putting you into my special genius-chicks filter for chicks who appreciate genius ideas and know what to do with them, so expect to see more makeup formulas, etc.) I'm always up for organizing some kind of girlie party DIY discussion group kind of thing. That would be great. I'd need to find a ride, though, if it's off the Hill. If I can remove clutter, create room, and arrange furniture adequately to host this at my apartment, I'll do it.

I'm just feeling very discouraged right now, looking at another cold and cliquish Seattle winter of isolation. Well, there's the Oldies channel and the Bollywood channel for "company," and my little jewelry projects, and my renewed efforts at painting. But you know and I know that's not really living. I miss having friends. I have so few now. It's nearly unbearable as I fight this disease.

I want to live in a place where people see me as someone they welcome to join them in informal activities... a couch and DVDs, an informal table or a picnic blanket with communal meals. Not someone to be gifted at one-dimensional distance with online "hugs" and "you're SO BRAVE" and "take care" while I sit home alone for another whole winter. It's not living. I want to live. On top of that, I want to swim! Seattle is just cold, cold, cold... at least for me. It's empty and lonely and cold, and I can't take it anymore.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

The 23rd through the 26th, Nibs will be out of town on business. If you don't mind my son tagging along, that would be a Really Good Time, and I don't get many of those. (The afternoon of the 25th we'll be picking pumpkins.)