when kids collide inside my head

[sistawendy]

I was facilitatrix for the trans group at Lambert House last night as I am every few weeks. What was unusual about last night was that we had a couple of young people talking about future plans: education, internships, etc. in preparation for adulting. In other words, they were talking about launching.

Yay trans kids launching, naturally! I routinely hear horror stories of less-than-stellar parenting, so the sooner they're on their own, the better. But hearing them also made me wistful, and you know why: I've never heard talk like that from my own son.

I know it's not fair to compare him to them. Yes, my Lambert House kids are trans, but my son has some non-trivial ADHD. He often can't executive function his way out of a wet paper bag. Nobody can make like Fantastic Voyage and enter his brain to shoot the squirrels that are running loose in there.

I don't know what to do and neither does my ex. At this point we're waiting for his brain to finish cooking. But what if it's still no good after that? And how long, really, can we afford to wait with the world going to hell around us?

Comments

[eeyorerin]

I guess my question would be -- what if this is as good as he's gonna get? Like, if this is the best functioning he can get, how are you going to handle that as you and Ex get older and what will happen when you both are gone? I mean, maybe he is going to get better as he gets into his mid to late 20s, but what if this is as good as it's ever going to be?

[sistawendy]

That question has crossed my mind no matter how I much I didn't want it to. I don't have an answer.

[eeyorerin]

I don't have an answer either. God knows I've grappled with that question when it comes to my own kid before. (Although he does seem to have leveled up in executive function lately...?)

[staxxy]

is he medicated for it? And when was the last time that medication regimen was reviewed? I suspect you have also tried elimination dieting to see if there are foods that add to his issues.

ADHD is really super hard. The friend I have been helping since last march has it and it is sometimes a really rough go for her because of it, even with her medications.

[sistawendy]

Ohhhh yeah, he’s been on medication for ten years, and his regimen is monitored. Elimination dieting we haven’t tried; I’d have to coordinate with Ex.

[staxxy]

it is super common for adhd folks to have trigger foods. I mean, there's the top 3 that are most common - sugar, gluten, and peanuts. Since Wendling is old enough to make his own choices, talk to him about maybe taking a couple of days where he consumes no sugar, and coordinate such with the Ex. I think if all three of you work together as a team you will be able to achieve success, and success in identifying triggers will lead to greater success in life.

Its also worth looking at his blood sugar levels - low blood sugar is a common lack of focus trigger for the adhd folks I know, as well as too much blood sugar from sweets or too much carbs.

Alas, food triggers are really easy to miss or slide under the radar.