feelings about femme

[sistawendy]

Last weekend when the Tickler was over I was getting ready for lunch with a few other Lambert House volunteers. I told her I wasn’t going to dress up much. Indeed, I wore a t-shirt and a hoodie, no liquid eyeliner. But the Tickler could barely contain their amusement when I put on the rest of my makeup and accessories.

“Am I high femme?” I asked.
“Yes,” they answered.
I hung my head.

On the one hand, it’s something of an achievement. It’s an honor to be in the august company of Indigo Blue and the Siberian Siren. In a world devoted to convenience and the lowest common denominator, high femmes are not that.

On the other hand, rightly or wrongly I associate high femme with high maintenance. Not that there’s anyone but me doing any of my maintenance, but that isn’t true of other high femmes.

I guess that in true lesbian fashion, I need to process this.

Comments

[cupcake_goth]

A perspective from the cishet side of High Femme: the High Femme label always has a subtext of High Maintenance, which is unfair and untrue. Plus the High Maintenance label, IMO, is a toxic concept that comes from the minds of cishet dudes who generally don't want to deal with the emotional labor of being a supportive partner or friend.

For what it's worth, I have NEVER considered you High Maintenance. And I am delighted that you have reached your High Femme level. Well done, my darling!

[leenerella]

Agree with this-- the "maintenance" part always seemed to me to be associated with the level of "work" and jumped hoops that a partner had to go through in order to keep a woman secure and happy. Sometimes that was in terms of money spent (definitely including beauty services and cosmetics,) egos fluffed, emotions coddled... and that context was never a compliment.

High femme, (to me-- admittedly, I have limited experience with this,) was more about all of the little details that a woman chooses for herself, and doesn't have much to do with partners at all.

If I am off-base, I'd love for this to be clarified, though.