post-transition living situation solved?

[sistawendy]

Problem: I want to change my body but Nibs doesn't want to watch me do it. I'm also loath to give up proximity to my boy and my job.
Solution, proposed by Nibs: build a mother-in-law apartment. We've got the land. Our CC&Rs don't forbid it. We don't have much cash at the moment, but we've got good credit. If we can swing this, it'll be optimal.

Comments

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

I question whether a mother-in-law suite will really fix the problem. 50 feet doesn't cure denial.

[solarbird]

Depends upon the problem being solved, but yeah, I have the same feeling exactly. A little physical distance can help people reframe things in their heads and get past denialist reactions, but often, it just props them up.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

No, but it could save us both an enormous amount of money and time.

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

If you lived in SoFla. I would disagree with you but you don't. *8)

[savannarama.livejournal.com]

Maybe it'll work.

If it's done right, it could add value to the property no matter what. Would that benefit you both even if it doesn't work out?

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

Probably.

[domichan.livejournal.com]

How is she going to feel after the transition is complete? Will you continue to stay in the mother-in-law?

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

I can't predict how she's going to feel after the transition's complete, but I think a mother-in-law is a much better idea than selling the house and physically separating ASAP. The truth is that whether she likes it or not, my son needs me there. She only gets eight to ten good waking hours a day, remember. I'm thinking I'll be there as long as he is.

When she first brought this up, she asked me if I'd found somebody else. I laughed and said no. That may be a limiting factor for either of us in the future, but not now.

[domichan.livejournal.com]

When do you plan to begin your transition?

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

You mean going full time? That's no earlier than September 2010. Getting ready for it, though, started months ago.

[hotpoint.livejournal.com]

I agree that a mother-in-law apartment sounds like a good way to get enough separation so you aren't sharing the bathroom, or passing in the hall to get ready, or the other not-ready-for-the-outside-world encounters of daily life. Perhaps if you're in the main house during childcare hours and are over in your apartment for breakfast, noodling on the computer, and sleeping, that would give you both a chance for more privacy.

There are some companies selling finished buildings or kits in the 100-200 square foot range that could be an inexpensive retreat for you. That size would be a very cozy studio or a cabin, and perhaps that would end up feeling like part of your transformation. I will look up some vendors in the PNW; in the meantime, here is a video tour of a very cute 'tiny house' (http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=SbRvsWuWNUM).

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[hotpoint.livejournal.com]

Site-built: inHabit Modern Dwellings (http://inhabitdwellings.com/) of North Vancouver, BC

Prebuilt: Tortoise Shell Home (http://tortoiseshellhome.com/) of Calistoga, CA
Small Home Oregon (http://www.smallhomeoregon.net/) of Portland, OR

Kits: Zoe Outdoors (http://www.zoeoutdoors.com/) of Salem, OR
Pennypincher Barn Company (http://pennypincherbarns.com/BuildingKits/SmallHousesCabinsSheds/MiniCabinsTinyHouses.aspx) of Rochester, WA
Sing Homes (http://www.singtinyhouse.com/) of McCleary, WA (not much detail)

Plans & materials: Cusato Cottages (http://www.cusatocottages.com/) (sells materials packages through Lowe's)

Others for inspiration: Tumbleweed House Company (http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/) (from the video)
Summerwood (http://www.summerwood.com/)
Cherokee Cabin Company (http://www.townandcountryplans.com/)
Sheldon Designs (http://www.sheldondesigns.com/)
Gratitude Millworks (http://www.gratitudemillworks.com/)

And someone local to you who's building one from plans: Zoe's Tiny House (http://www.togetherweareone.com/)

[neuro42.livejournal.com]

Are you going to do some/all of the work yourself, or hire it all out? If the former, I'm happy to lend a hand.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about it, but the unfortunate truth is that even if I was positive it would get done right if I did it myself, I just don't have the time. It would be a justifiably tough sell to Nibs, anyway.

[alton-lust.livejournal.com]

Try a Yurt! Or a prefab steel thingy? Yurt yurt yurt! (Fun to say.) I don't know what kind of amenities you want in there.

This is going to be difficult for all 3 of you. Solutions may not be perfect, but be willing to try them and tweak them. I think good thoughts for you. :)

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

Aw. Thanks.

[alton-lust.livejournal.com]

I've got it! Declare that you're doing a cob house as a 'green' project then hippies and students will /flock/ for the chance to come help out. Free labor! (Okay, you may have to fork over granola and home brew.)
http://www.housealive.org/

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

It looks cool and it would be fun, but I bet it doesn't stand up to earthquakes too well.