Nun worships idols.

[sistawendy]

Since I didn't have anything better to do on the night of Valentine's Day, I went to a taping of the Savage Love Live podcast at the Neptune in Seattle's U District, starring - wait for it - Dan Savage, but also with Mistress Matisse and her partner Monk. I've wanted to meet Matisse, who's a friend of several friends, for years. The highlights:

• Dan's a funny guy.
• Writer Simon Rich was even funnier.
• Mistress Matisse's sadist happy dance is adorable: she put clothespin-like things ("zippers") on some dude's nipples for tens of minutes, yanked them off, and held the mic so it would pick up his gasps. She's also crazy hot in a shiny little red dress.
• Monk can tie up a lovely lady and hang her from metal thingies with truly impressive speed and flourish. I didn't even recognize the man, which is surprising considering who my friends are, but damn.
• Intermission? Lap dances on stage. I didn't avail myself; I just went to the bathroom, where I...
• ...ran into the woman who won the won the strip tease competition at Bang for the Buck the last two years. Yes, she's gorgeous with her waist-length raven hair and depraved china doll eyes, and I'm pretty sure she's queer. She encouraged me to strip. I demurred, saying I'd need to prepare for something like that.
• Butt plugs in five straight, male volunteers. Two of them vibrated. One of the vibrating ones had a remote control. Dan had fun with the remote.
• The Human Cupcake: cover a good-looking, scantily clad gay male lap dancer with frosting, and invite half a dozen women from the audience to lick it off for vibrators.

It was supposed to be for singles only, but there were an awful lot of obvious couples. At one point Dan took a question from the audience that asked the available straight men to stand up. Maybe twenty. What chance had a lonely queer girl? Yeah, I dressed cute in the Purple Outfit.