My son: ward of the state?

The good news: I got my tax refund, just barely within the three weeks that the IRS says it usually arrives after they get your return. Now my challenge is to not use my debit card so frequently that it gets locked; that happened last year.

The bad news: Ex wants to hire a lawyer and get our son evaluated to see if we can get him on SSI. She says he can't work more than five hours at in a row without some time to unwind (read: jumpenflappen). She says other parents in our situation have made it happen, and that he's going to need it if he's ever going to move out of her house. She wants him gone pretty badly; he's with her five days a week and isn't the best housemate.

I have all of the feels about this.

1. I don't think it's likely to succeed. I think the gummint is likely to conclude that he's just a whiny-assed scatterbrained punk an ordinary ADDer with a helicopter mom, and not eligible for benefits, no matter how many times we appeal.
2. Even if we did succeed, it feels to me as if we'd be scammers.
3. How does the Wendling feel about this? Ex told me she'd made him aware. I brought it up over dinner last night, and it seemed to be news to him. I tried to keep my tone neutral. He was against it, but not vociferously. He disputes what his mother says about not being able to work more than five hours in a row. That to me is surprising as sunrise.

But here's an argument in Ex's favor. The path to independence for him runs through school; there's just no two ways about that anymore, not in an expensive big city. I asked him something like, "What's your plan to keep what happened the last time you were in school from happening again?"

Silence. And a guilty look on his face.

"You need to come up with an answer to that question," I said. He pointed out that if he's a full-time student he'd have to work less. I'm so very OK with that. Ex, who graduated college in 1981, has outdated notions of working oneself through school. I need to disabuse her of this Boomer baloney.

So now that's potentially two lawyers who might get their hands on my tax refund: one for my mother and one for my son, both with brain problem situations.