![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the last of Exdad
Apr. 30th, 2018 12:47 pmThere's a custom among Jews that a deceased family member's tombstone isn't unveiled until a year (according to the Jewish calendar?) after the death, i.e. the first yahrzeit*. I bopped up to the cemetery in Snohomish County with the Wendling for the brief ceremony for Exdad's unveiling early yesterday. The gang was mostly there: nieces, nephews, cousins, a grandchild, and even a couple of ex-spouses.
From the Dept. of Odd, Exdad's tombstone is a small bench. That's right: he, or maybe his widow, has encouraged people to sit on their grave, and looking around the cemetery, I could see that they weren't alone. That's... not how the goyim do things, but I guess it's none of our business.
We all put rocks upon the bench, like you do if you're Jewish, but there was also a stone vase for flowers, which was definitely Exstepmother's idea**. Ex & I used to have a recurring kabuki argument about flowers vs. rocks on graves. I appreciated the symbolism of the flowers; as a gardening fiend, she disapproved of the waste. Fun fact: Israelis use bigger rocks than diaspora Jews.
As the professional wordsmith, Ex was drafted to speechify. She mentioned that not a day went by when she didn't think of her father. I can relate, even after over twenty-two years in my case, and I told her so.
This being a Jewish function, there was food at an unusual hour. I found out that Exbrother doesn't know what a furry is. I told him not to google it from work.
Ah, Exdad. It's a damn shame, but alas, an inevitability.
*That spelling is a mix of English and German orthography that makes my inner language geek shriek, but it appears to be the most common. It is, of course, a transliteration of the Yiddish for "anniversary". Yiddish is traditionally written in a modified Hebrew script, so there are many transliterations that drive native English speakers meshuggah.
**Exstepmother is of 2nd- and 3rd-generation east Asian extraction.
From the Dept. of Odd, Exdad's tombstone is a small bench. That's right: he, or maybe his widow, has encouraged people to sit on their grave, and looking around the cemetery, I could see that they weren't alone. That's... not how the goyim do things, but I guess it's none of our business.
We all put rocks upon the bench, like you do if you're Jewish, but there was also a stone vase for flowers, which was definitely Exstepmother's idea**. Ex & I used to have a recurring kabuki argument about flowers vs. rocks on graves. I appreciated the symbolism of the flowers; as a gardening fiend, she disapproved of the waste. Fun fact: Israelis use bigger rocks than diaspora Jews.
As the professional wordsmith, Ex was drafted to speechify. She mentioned that not a day went by when she didn't think of her father. I can relate, even after over twenty-two years in my case, and I told her so.
This being a Jewish function, there was food at an unusual hour. I found out that Exbrother doesn't know what a furry is. I told him not to google it from work.
Ah, Exdad. It's a damn shame, but alas, an inevitability.
*That spelling is a mix of English and German orthography that makes my inner language geek shriek, but it appears to be the most common. It is, of course, a transliteration of the Yiddish for "anniversary". Yiddish is traditionally written in a modified Hebrew script, so there are many transliterations that drive native English speakers meshuggah.
**Exstepmother is of 2nd- and 3rd-generation east Asian extraction.
