My son misses me.

[sistawendy]

A few minutes ago my son told me he misses me, the way I used to say goodbye to him before he left for school and the silly songs I used to sing. I'm trying hard not to cry in front of him as I type; it bothers him.

He also says he doesn't want a stepfather. As flattering as that may be to me, it's bad news for Nibs. He's having a hard time explaining why.

And Nibs wants her brother to fly up twice a year for some male bonding. He's a great guy and I'm sure that would be good for m'boy, but he made it sounds as if Nibs thinks it's absolutely necessary. There are plenty of women who do just fine without that kind of help.

Comments

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Hum. Seems... odd? I guess there is no harm in them spending time together, but I cringe at the thought of your son being forced into "manly things" that he doesn't want to do. And like you say, many women raise boys into fine men without that. The important thing is that he not have shitty men as role models, I think. Or shitty people in general!

{{{hugs}}}

[savannarama.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

commiserations.

Hey, if Nibs's brother is a great guy, resolve to be glad. It could be so much worse if he weren't--or if you weren't still around too. But he is, and you are. Also . . . he'll probably be a lot more relaxed about hanging out with your son than anything high maintenance Nibs might design. :)

Something that is very sweet is that your son knows there are great things about your parenting that did not involve gender. This may have already been more than apparent to you, but I didn't know it yet.

[dianala.livejournal.com]

This is my sad-but-not-surprised face. No kid wants a step-parent. Really. Well, ok, maybe the .000001% who have crap Dads and luck out into a fantastic step-dad but I think that is the exception really and probably in the beginning they didn't want their mom to date. It's having to face the reality that yes, your parents are never getting back together and also you will not even get 100% of the attention of one of them as they will be dating and forming new bonds and relationships. All kids of divorced or separated parents miss the way things used to be. Doesn't make it any easier, though. *Hugs*

[ximinez]

This. I'd also add that a sad fact of life is that he doesn't get a vote on the issue either.

[apestyle.livejournal.com]

True. When my I first started dating my wife, my stepkids had a wonderful solution to their horrible dilemma. Wouldn't it be better for everyone involved if I started dating their dad's girlfriend so that their dad and mom could be together instead?

That stung a bit. It not better.

[princessgeek.livejournal.com]

Got

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

Everyone covered most of what I was going to say. I will add that when you have your son, make sure to do the things he misses. It's good to know there is routine and stability when you are a kid. If singing Birdhouse in Your Soul makes him feel special, sing it every time you're in a park. Try to stay involved. When the day comes that Nibs wants to date, be ready for the fall out there too. Your son will have likely checked into teenage world and FSM knows what happens then. Just be there in case he needs you.

The bottom line. You can't control what Nibs does. You can control what happens with you and you need to make the most of it. Also, you can't stop what is going to happen to your son when Nibs does whatever she's going to do. You can be there to pick up the pieces on how it affects your son when he's around you.

[gwywnnydd.livejournal.com]

I can't help thinking that what Nibs thinks is 'absolutely necessary' is something she still has control over. She's going to be sadly disappointed when it finally sinks in that this is no longer in the cards.

Don't get me wrong, I think that having time spent with his uncle will do th'boy good. But twice a year isn't going to be much in terms of modeling behavior, and if your boy is anything like mine, he wont remember him from visit to visit (and thus the first several days will be spent renewing the acquaintance).

And yes, plenty of single women get by without a partner, but OMG it's exhausting ;).

[schmi.livejournal.com]

:( Of course, he misses you. :( I hope you two manage to get in some quality time in spite of the separation.