Nada de nada es nada.

[sistawendy]

I'm pretty sure most of you knew that even before I dropped the bombshell on Nibs last year, I got precious little physical affection from Nibs because of her autoimmune troubles. As you can imagine, even that low level fell off rather precipitously after the bombshell. I held out hope that maybe things would return to the previous, pathetic value of normal, but Nibs put the kibosh on that yesterday. She wasn't nasty about it or anything, but she insists she's not a lesbian. I'm disappointed, but not hugely, and neither can I say I'm too surprised.

Comments

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

Argh - I'm sorry to hear it. While it's understandable from her point of view - as someone who's had precious little physical affection herself (due mostly to health issues last year), I know that can be hard.

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

Gah. I'm sorry.
Especially insofar as you're still the same person you were when she married you, so...

[beaq.livejournal.com]

That's what I was thinking. :-/ I'm sorry. Married life is kind of ... weird.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

Well, I know I'm the same person, but remember: I promised her more than once that there would be no bombshell. It's not unreasonable for her to believe that I'm not the same person she thought she married.

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Yah, not dissing her. Feelings aren't fair or unfair. It's just not FAAAAAIIIIIIR. If you know what I mean. (I'm sure my own response would be similar to how you describe yours, though.)

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean, to the last decimal place.

[mamishka.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[schmi.livejournal.com]

I guess I understand from her point of view. Good luck with finding it elsewhere.

[savannarama.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you see it from her angle a little, too (above). That you had a bombshell to drop means she never knew you as thoroughly as she thought she did. You've evolved unexpectedly (or revealed what was previously unseen even if already there) so I can understand how it might read as "change". That you identify as feminine or more female than before does cause her identity to answer some questions if she is physically involved with you. Less existentially, a lot of women have trouble mixing resentment + intimacy.

Well, at least now you have your answer. (Sorry to hear that there wasn't a lot of Gettin' while the getting was good). I wonder what the financial risks would be towards the discreet affair Dan Savage would advise?

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Look for a PM soon.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

I can't hear "PM" without thinking "project manager". What does it really stand for?

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

Post-Meridiem!
Or Post Mortem, depending on the circumstances.

[caladri.livejournal.com]

Private Message in this context, I think.

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

Personal/Private Message

[generalchaos.livejournal.com]

aw hon. *hugs* While she might say she's not a lesbian, I don't think one *has* to be a lesbian, or straight, or bi, to love whomever one loves. Some things transcend what's in or not in someone's undies... You're still the same person, after all. You've just grown a bit.
Ack. Would she love you any less if you dyed your hair blue, for instance? It's not your personality, or heart, that's changing, it's just your body.
*rant rant rant rant rant*

hang in there...

[caladri.livejournal.com]

It's really cool that she's internalized your identity :) Well, hopefully it's that and not just recast resentment or something.

[corivax.livejournal.com]

Erg, that sucks. But at least her saying she isn't into you because she isn't into women at least means she's thinking of you as one. It's a sort of validation, I think.

I know if a straight guy or lesbian were to profess an attraction to me, I wouldn't want involved with that.

[sistawendy.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is a kind of validation, and she even said so. Her being attracted to me as a guy would be, and has been, a problem. Still, I'm jonesing for human contact.