Maura's Illuminated Manuscript

Why have I been quiet on here the last few days? Because I took the train down to Portland, Oregon for the Vampire Masquerade Ball! This was my fourth time going, with the previous time being in 2019, and it's lost none of its excitement for me. Read on for gothy goodness. I wrote an outline.

Things didn't exactly start auspiciously when I woke up around 0400 Friday, headed for the bathroom in the dark, and tripped over the suitcase that I'd forgotten I'd put there. I hit my face on the edge of a wall, thereby leaving a long, neat line of broken skin from my cheekbone to my chin. I count myself lucky that I didn't break my nose. Hey, maybe it helps me look more devilish.

Having iced my face, I made it to the train with plenty of time to spare, which wasn't hard because it was delayed by "unplanned track maintenance". And then, a little over halfway to Portland, the conductor informed us that there was a disabled train with no power for A/C (!) and that we were going to go back and rescue it. We ended up arriving in Portland about two hours late. Luckily, the person I most wanted to meet up with – ack_yeahright – was on the train with me.

As always when the two of us get together, there was overindulgence. This time it was both eetz and drinx. Portland is a better restaurant town than it has any right to be given its size; my companion informed me that it's because there's a culinary school there. In any case, the Green Room gets full marks from me. My only complaint is that the portions were just a tad too large for me.

We hit Moxy, which I belatedly realized is a hotel bar. Think the W in Seattle, only gayer and with more space. We drank nice drinks, some of them fruity. There was a third place that ack_yeahright took us to was one that she'd said earlier was a biker bar, but when we walked in there was a long line and obvious gentrification. Welcome to Portland. That's when we called it a night.

Slept insufficiently. Then hit Powell's City of Books and consumed badly needed carbs & caffeine. For those of you who've never been to Portland, this is what you must do when you go to Portland. I ran into Comfy Lady in the café, who was down for a show. I looked for new issues of my favorite comics series, but ended up with a used copy of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Met up with cupcake_goth! I will confess that the chance to see her was very high on my list of reasons to be in Portland at all. She's back to emceeing the VMB for the first time since I was there last. Happiness.

Also there: someone I will label here as Frog Lady. She likes frogs. Her hair is green, as are many of her accessories. She's one of these people to whom I took an instant liking, but I unfortunately see her only once in a purple moon. She says that her health no longer permits her to get out and about much. Even ten years ago I didn't see her often. Too damn bad.

Napped. Praise Goddess!

Hit Toki, a Korean joint a few blocks away. Even shortly after 1700, which is when they open, they were mobbed, and for good reason. Their veggie noodles were amazeballs, and since I was at the bar I saw lots of artful cocktails under construction. (I just had some local rice lager, which tastes like... lager.)

Put the Devil Girl outfit on. Walked the three blocks to the Portland Art Museum, which was manageable even in my cloven-hooved Fluevog Grand Nationals. Chatted with an adorable apparent trans boy who'd come from Minnesota (!) for the VMB. Found a seat at the table with cupcake_goth, Froggy Lady & her beau, plus K and her brand new hubby. K deserves a goddamn paragraph.

K is an actual, factual fashionista who makes a dynamite outfit every time she goes to the VMB, which is more often than I do. This year was no exception. K loves to dance, and the way she'd weighted and reinforced the high-low skirt on that dress made it move, well, oh my. And she had this... collar, not exactly a ruff, made of boned black lace that stood straight up to the height of her head in back. There's probably a word for such things that I don't know. It was perfect for the event. And remember, this is the umpteenth outpouring of wearable creativity that I've seen by and on her since the mid aughts at the latest. It doesn't hurt that she's also really hot. Ahem.

And speaking of unfairly attractive women, when I was down in the vendor room there was a tall, slender woman with short, blonde, kinda gay (Foreshadowing!) hair who walked in wearing a stunning cream silk dress with wide red ribbon draped asymmetrically as trim. In that sea of dark clothing, even gorgeous dark clothing, it stood out like a beacon. I went up to her and complimented her on the dress. A minute or two later I was in the middle of the room with Frog Lady and Other K, when they mentioned that that was [Real first name]. Then the penny dropped.
"[Real full name]?" I asked. "Vienna La Rouge?"
Affirmative.
"Shit. Shit!"
Back in the aughts, before the Great Recession knocked out the Vogue, on Wednesday nights I used to go there and hang out with Vienna. She's a truly lovely woman in every sense. The last I heard, she left Seattle and her husband to pursue her burlesque career – for she's one of those good enough to make a career of it – in the Bay Area. I missed her.
At the VMB, I had to talk to her again. I explained that I hadn't recognized her the first time, and I had to explain to her who the hell I was. (Since she last saw me I've acquired purple hair, boobs, and hips.) She said that it wasn't too surprising that I couldn't recognize her with the much shorter hair. You see, she figured out that she's a lesbian. Oh, and she's moved back to Seattle.
There was a silent explosion in my head. "Welcome aboard!" I said.
She likes to hang out at the Mercury, she said. You know I do too. Our favorite night is Saturday. It kills me a little that my next two, maybe three Saturdays are spoken for. Oh by the way, she had a date. Yes, the date and I made prolonged eye contact at one point.

Back at the table I said to cupcake_goth, "Vienna La Rouge is back in Seattle and she's gay. Kill me before I do something stupid!"
"Go forth and sin, my child."
"She brought a date."
The esteemed MC appreciated my dilemma.

Indeed, Temptress told me later that night with great disappointment in her voice that Vienna is monogamous and has found someone good for her. And just to ice this cake, she says that V and I share the same unusual tastes that I don't write about in unlocked entries.

I talked to V again briefly after they turned on the house lights, pretty much reiterating what I said about the Merc. I must see her again, if only to confirm what Temptress told me. Oh. My. Goddess. Just think of what's happened with me since the last time I saw her: I started living as a woman, discovered the (ahem) unusual tastes, moved back into the city proper, etc. I can only imagine what's been going on with V.

By the way, Vienna La Rouge is a crack seamstress, like many burlesquers. There's an excellent chance that she made her dress, too.

I got flirted with by a woman – yet another crack costumer with a fella – who'd met me at Funny Lady's. I remembered her mercifully unusual name, but I hadn't recognized her. This was actually the third face blindness experience I had that night. Vienna and Other K were the other two.

There was only one dark spot to all of this: jengalicious's ex, who was there with Temptress and even on the same trains as I was. He kept turning up like a bad penny, at one time even sharing a hotel elevator with me. (Temptress seemed to have a knack for getting away from him for long enough to talk to other people who didn't want to go near him.) He's surely aware that he's despised by the whole Seattle contingent with the exception of his girlfriend, whom I've warned about him. Just as I was leaving the hotel, I saw Shiny H, who told me about her reason to hate him, which has nothing to do with the ones that the rest of us share. The man is truly a walking trash fire.

I did see Shiny H & girlfriend G, the latter of whom had never been before, during the event, but they bailed uncharacteristically early due to H's health issues. Sadness.

One more restaurant: the Daily Feast. It's a brunch joint, Portland style, meaning hot gay boy waiters and müsli pancakes with chai. I was lucky to get a seat at the bar when I did. Also yummers.

Tried reading my book in the shade by the public library to kill time before I got on the train, but people on the street made it weird. I went back to the hotel, said a final goodbye to folks and called a ride share to the train. (I later found out that I could have taken the light rail. Next time.)

The train home was zippy and uneventful. If all goes well, it's really the best way to get to & from Portland from Seattle.

Earlier yesterday I'd toyed with the idea of going to Flammable, Seattle's long-running house music night, because it's a long weekend here in the US of A. Hahahaha. No, I unpacked, crashed, and got eight hours of sleep for the first time in about a week.

This trip exceeded expectations, which were already pretty high.

And what is the Vespertine Ball, you ask? It's the winter solstice equivalent of Portland's Vampire Masquerade Ball, which in decent years happens in the late spring. Both have been organized for years by the amazing and lovely Lady Raven.

I kind of have a history with the VMB: I met Temptress, my first honest-to-goodness queer girlfriend, at the event in '14. Plus, my dear friend cupcake_goth has been the MC for quite a while. Most of the years it's happened, maybe?

But back to this year! No, we couldn't in good conscience gather in our finery even if the state of Oregon allowed it, so Lady Raven did a yeoman's job of moving everything online. The "entrance room" feature the aforementioned vampire witch queen explaining how to work the stuff. There was a "dance floor" featuring stompy goodness. There was a small vendors room that was not without its temptations. And then there was the room that alternated between chill and performances.

As Lady Raven pointed out, the pandemic has hit performers hard. They gave as good as they got for our event, though: upside-down archery with feet, fire spinning in the snow, and four-ball contact juggling. I have to admit I'd never seen any of that before, and it was beautifully done under some trying circumstances.

Goths spotted: trystbat, morthael, and icprncs. Good to see everyone, and see you looking so fabulous! And it's a minor miracle that I'm not hung over.

Shallow fashion details: see my rebirthday, only with evening-appropriate makeup.

I was in bed for thirteen hours last night and I slept for nine of them. Take that, broken ankle!

From the Dept. of Suggestion: cupcake_goth had posted about her Vampire Masquerade Ball outfit plans, as one does. I hadn't planned on going, but it occurred to me that I should see if newly-divorced regular attendee ack_yeahright would like to go down with me.

It turns out that her new fella might, just might, come down with her, but I've made plans to go anyway. It's a good time. And yeah, I'd be lying if I said I had no hope of lightning striking twice: I met Temptress at the VMB in '14. She, too, is likely to be there, but meeting someone new who's more compatible wouldn't go amiss.

Outfit, though? Le sigh. I hope it doesn't seem too much like I'm slacking if I wear my Pride Eve/New Year's Eve outfit from last year, namely the violet corset from Dark Garden, short rococo skirt, and of course the birthday boots. I mean, I paid a lot for these things and I'm determined to get my money's worth out of them. And let's face it, my legs are the best thing about my figure.

So, travel plans:

1. Vancouver next month, as yet unconfirmed.
2. London in April, dahilng. That is so very confirmed.
3. The VMB in Portland in May for sure.
4. Burning Man if I can get my hot little hands on a ticket.

Madness! And to think I started the year with basically zero plans.

Happiness is when you wear your Fluevog Atria boots, pictured here, and cupcake_goth says, "I can't believe you can walk in those." Happiness is not when your bunion and your left knee complain at you for days afterward. It pains me (Ha!) to admit it, but I shouldn't do that kind of thing any more often than I do. You know I'm wearing flats to Pride Eve, because that's a ton of walking all over the Hill and maybe beyond; I've finally learned that lesson.

But the worst bummer was what I encountered as I was walking to my car after brunch: some dude in a trucker cap - bad sign - and a t-shirt that read "Free Alex Jones / Don't Censor Me" with the familiar Gadsden flag snake. This being Portland, there's a small chance it was hipster irony, but I doubt that even Portland hipsters have such poor taste. I hope he noticed the stink eye I gave him from behind my sunglasses. Yeah, that town has a Nazi problem.

I leave for the Vampire Ball in Portland with m_cobweb & darkmane on Saturday afternoon. It can't come soon enough. My outfit has been chosen - it's my 50th birthday outfit, so I feel only a tiny bit of shame for not making a more creative effort - and my packing list & directions are printed out. If you'll recall, the last time I was there I met the Temptress, which began a long & lovely relationship. Would I mind if lightning struck a second time? Hell no. And maybe this time I won't be one of those tacky dykes who make out on the dance floor, but I make no promises.

Speaking of dykes, I have a date with the Proprietress next weekend. That's lovely in and of itself, but our tentatively planned activity is at night. Problem: I've been getting up at 0600 on most weekdays for the last year and a half, ever since I changed teams at work, because I wanted to get my morning ride in before my team's meetings. This means that staying up late is harder for me than it used to be, also hello, I'm in my fifties. (Yeah, this has been a problem with dating generally of late.) I'm wondering when and how I should abuse caffeine. Yerba mate in my car or in my fridge? I certainly don't want to disappoint the Prope by pooping out on her.

But getting back to Portland, between Powell's, meeting up with friends, carpooling commitments, and a possible hangover, I wonder if I'll be able to make it to Cider Riot. They're the ones going after Nazis in court for messing with their business, so I wanted to at least sample their cider.

I drove down to the Vampire Masquerade Ball in Portland right after work on Friday, after having done a slapdash job of packing that morning without a list. My Burning Man buddies ack_yeahright, her hubby J, and quietsoul were just finishing dinner at the Portland Grill, which is on the 30th floor of a building downtown. I have to say, places with a view like that usually slack on the food, but the Portland Grill doesn't.

In fact, we pretty much ate our way across Portland. After hitting Powell's briefly (Yeah, that's possible, to my surprise.) yesterday afternoon, we went to Podnah's Pit in northeast Portland, not far from where the Siberian Siren & I stayed last year. Yes, it's a meatfest, which isn't usually my thing, but I must admit that the bean-free chili was exactly the right amount of spicy. And unlike nearly all establishments outside the South, they didn't screw up the cornbread. Recommended.

For dinner on Saturday, we went to the much-hyped Pok Pok, Thai food in southeast Portland. This place had a short wait at 3:00 on a Saturday; that's how popular it is. Maybe it was because I was still full from the chili, but I thought the papaya pok pok with salted crab was good but not great. The waiter was remarkably careful to warn me about the spiciness and funkiness, but I thought both were perfectly acceptable. The menu is highly original, though, and the drinks and desserts - Yay durian custard! - are fantastic.

On to the ball! It's the Vampire Ball, so everyone pulls out all the stops (How's that for an appropriate metaphor?) and looks as good as they can look. I squeezed myself into what I've heard called the Goth Leprechaun dress: my 1880s bustle dress in green silk. I'm glad I picked a light fabric because it was once again warm in there.

Pics? I didn't take any but there may be some of me that I can post eventually.

Best drink line moment: the zaftig blond in the 1903 nurse's uniform she made exchanged some historical costumer love. Her nurse's outfit is simpler than mine, but better executed.

My tango training came in handy: an unknown man in a top hat danced with me - I don't know what dance it was, but I didn't embarrass myself too badly - and I had a midnight waltz with quietsoul.

Speaking of queers, I went there thinking that this was going to be a pretty het party, but I was pleasantly surprised by two dapper butches, and a couple of femmes who were clearly a couple. And then there was this woman my height (Yay!) in black and a mask who was dancing with me toward the end of the evening.

You know those tacky women who make out with each other on the dance floor? You guessed it: we were those women. She has the name of a famous temptress from literature. We exchanged contact info, and I'll be using it shortly. I discovered shortly after all this that she's married to a man, they're poly, and they're well known to ack_yeahright and J. It's nice to hear from a reliable source that neither the Temptress nor her hubby are psycho killers.

We didn't go to any after parties; the ball ended at 0200 and the four of us Burner buddies hung out at our hotel until 0415. Today was hangover mitigation, fish & chips at Sam's Billiards, and a lovely if trafficky drive back in the sun.

Huge thanks to quietsoul for being the best roommate ever, making the hotel reservations and letting me bum all of the stuff off of her that I left in Seattle due to my uncharacteristically disorganized packing.

ETA: Huge thanks also to cupcake_goth for personally inviting me, or I probably wouldn't have gone. I hadn't been since '09, and that year was my first. I had a much better time this year.